urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:oneyear_gone ...but here I dreamt I was an architect oneyear_gone 2009-08-02T13:39:42Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:oneyear_gone:65549 2009-08-01T14:23:03Z 2009-08-02T13:39:42Z Making a new journal.<br /><br />It's time to start over. Get rid of the drama in here.<br /><br />I'll still check this one for the indie_exchange group when I need music, but aside from that consider this dead.<br /><br />Really want the new one? Ask for it. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:oneyear_gone:63409 2009-07-15T14:43:48Z 2009-07-15T14:43:48Z From this point on, shit's friends only.<br /><br /><br />Comment to be added.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />[There. Got rid of your excuse to yell at me. You're welcome] urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:oneyear_gone:62984 2009-07-15T03:38:48Z 2009-07-15T03:38:48Z Pffft. Blow me, July 14th. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:oneyear_gone:62826 2009-07-13T19:04:45Z 2009-07-13T19:04:45Z I have a job. I start tomorrow. Hooray paychecks!<br /><br />Found out some news that upsets me a little. I don't know if it will really happen, and there's nothing I can do about it. I want him to be happy, though, and if that will make him happy then good luck. Means bad news for me, but oh well I guess. <br /><br /><br />Vermont this weekend. Fuck I'm tired. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:oneyear_gone:62617 2009-07-11T06:11:49Z 2009-07-11T06:11:49Z Because I don't spend every second of my day on it. I actually go a day or so here or there without even logging in. It's just something I enjoy, a lot. A good way to compartmentalize. A distraction that happens to be uber fun :D <br /><br />^ being what I think in response to my friend saying that spending 7 straight hours in-game is obsession lmao. I don't care if it is, really. I have nothing better going on.<br /><br />Found out what's up with my breaks. They're just cheap and shitty. It'll be $160 for new, good ones. So hopefully I can get this job on Monday [I got the interview!] and I can get that taken care of soon.<br /><br />Vermont next weekend ftw. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:oneyear_gone:62342 2009-07-10T05:08:22Z 2009-07-10T05:08:22Z Coheed and Cambria - The Ring in Return | Powered by Last.fm 3rd night in a row that I can't sleep.<br />I officially have the entire Coheed and Cambria discography [with a burned copy of each album] because I forgot how much I love them and need more CDs to take with me for the 16 hour drive to Vermont next weekend.<br />I'm tired, but I think it's just exhaustion, and not actual sleepiness.<br />I wish someone else was awake on the forums so I'd have something to do.<br />Only quests I have for Neo right now I need assistance with, so that's out for the night. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:oneyear_gone:61987 2009-07-08T00:19:34Z 2009-07-08T00:19:34Z Vermont in 2 weeks! I'm pretty excited. I need the vacation. Not because I'm particularly busy, because I'm not. But I need it because I'm on mental/emotional overload and the time away will do me some good. <br /><br />IMed Meeks yesterday. The way I see it is, if we're not going to talk anymore I don't want the last thing I said to him to be something harsh and during a fight. So I told him what I've felt I need to tell him for months. That I hate things got bad between us and I know I'm partly to blame. That I'm always going to love him, and I'm always going to want things to work between us, but more than that, I want him to be happy, regardless of what that means for me. He never responded, and I never expected him to. I'm not even sure he actually read it. But at least I can continue on knowing that at least I tried. <br /><br />Hit level 30 on Neo Steam last night :D Now I get to drop 10% exp every time I die while I try to level futher hah. Oh well. Still excited. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:oneyear_gone:61774 2009-07-04T23:22:41Z 2009-07-04T23:22:41Z I miss when this was my family: <a href="http://www.last.fm/forum/5/_/70688/11">http://www.last.fm/forum/5/_/70688/11</a><br /><br />I also have a headache from reading 85 pages of that thread in the past 2 hours (minus the break I took to watch a movie). urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:oneyear_gone:61564 2009-07-04T06:19:49Z 2009-07-04T06:19:49Z Yndi Halda - We Flood Empty Lakes | Powered by Last.fm I'm so all over the place as far as sleep goes. <br /><br />Though I'm kinda glad I ended up being online real late. Got to talk to an old friend for the first time in quite a while. I like catching up :D<br /><br />Never went to wet n wild. But I hopefully will be going to Kings Dominion in Virginia next weekend. <br /><br />Maybe tomorrow I can finish that stupid quest I kept dying on today. Getting slain in Dust Glen is just unacceptable. &gt;. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:oneyear_gone:61262 2009-07-02T04:37:38Z 2009-07-02T04:37:38Z Transformers was pretty much as ridiculous and amazing as I thought it would be. I almost didn't go tonight, but I'm glad I did. Granted, I went alone, but even so. They're coming out with a G.I. Joe movie in August that looks pretty awesome. Another one to add to my list to see this summer.<br /><br />Might have a job soon. Campus is offering work study jobs. I replied back saying I'm interested. I'm not sure how work study goes, but if they actually pay me and it doesn't go towards tuition I'm totally doing it. Just waiting to hear back if I qualify, whatever that means.<br /><br />I was gonna go to Virginia this weekend, buuuut that fell apart when I fell apart. I'm not ready to see him again yet, I don't think. Well, obviously I'm not. I started crying when I thought about having to see him. I want to see him, but it's too hard right now. Especially since he doesn't want to see me. So instead I'm going to Wet n Wild on Friday in Greensboro. Of course I had to start tonight, so the chances of me being able to do anything there are looking slim. We'll see I guess.<br /><br />I'm officially on my 2 week break from school. And it's much needed. Srsly. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:oneyear_gone:61182 2009-07-01T01:00:25Z 2009-07-01T01:00:25Z I feel like a big, stinking pile of shiiiiit. <br /><br />But I'm going to Wet-n-Wild this weekend, because apparently there's one in Greensboro. So that's pretty cool. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:oneyear_gone:60754 2009-06-29T01:44:21Z 2009-06-29T01:44:21Z Anyone else find it odd that 4 celebrities died in the same week? Peace out Ed, Farrah, M.J. and Billy. <br /><br />Seems to be June was a bad month for deaths. My thoughts go out to everyone else who lost someone.<br /><br /><br />This weekend was good. Best I've had in months. Hopefully this will be a continuing trend. I enjoyed smiling and having fun for a change. <br /><br />Hopefully next week I can get my hamster!! I've already picked out the cage and accessories I want to get for him :D Then once I get done with school and move back to Virginia, I can finally get my puppy!<br /><br />Furry friends make the best friends. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:oneyear_gone:60436 2009-06-28T04:10:52Z 2009-06-28T04:10:52Z Guess I got my answer. Wasn't what I wanted, but that's life. =| I'll be giving up now. I'd say moving on, but, well, that's debatable.<br /><br /><br />Saw Kilee monster for a couple hours today. I miss her a lot. I put up a couple pictures on facebook today. I'll post some more tomorrow, and I might post a couple here on lj.<br /><br />Seth and Anna are still here. They already went to bed. We saw The Hangover tonight. It was hilarious, but not something I'd see more than once. <br /><br /><br />Oh, and I'm getting a hamster soon. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:oneyear_gone:60348 2009-06-26T03:09:51Z 2009-06-26T03:09:51Z I get to see Kilee monster on Saturdaaaay! I'm so excited. Seth and Anna are coming down Saturday. Kilee is going to her Mimi's house (she's coming to get her) and since I'm on the way to Virginia they're just gonna come here Saturday and Mimi will pick her up from my house.<br /><br /><br />Classes end on Wednesday. I have a 111% in Intro to Computers, and an 104% in Career Development.<br /><br /><br />& I think I'm gonna go see Transformers 2 this weekend. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:oneyear_gone:60096 2009-06-25T01:45:18Z 2009-06-25T01:45:18Z Blink 182 (the 2003 album) I'm posting because it's not often that anyone can honestly say Blink 182 made them cry. But I can officially say so now. I threw in the 2003 album on my way to class today and I'm pretty sure I almost felt my heart get ripped out of my chest. I think like every song minus three of them would have made me completely break down had I not needed to be in class soon after.<br /><br />I don't do this on purpose. I keep choosing albums I haven't listened to in years thinking it will keep me from crying. Well, the past two weeks all I seem to do is pick really shitty choices that do nothing but make me feel like hell. I wasn't really all that upset when I put it in, either. And still, the result was tearing up.<br /><br /><a name="cutid1"></a><br />Always - (4:14)<br />I've been here before a few times<br />and I'm quite aware we're dying<br />and your hands, they shake the goodbyes<br />and I'll take you back if you have me<br /><br />So here I am, I'm trying<br />so here I am, are you ready?<br />come on let me hold you, touch you, feel you, always<br />kiss you, taste you, all night, always<br /><br />And I'll miss your laugh, your smile<br />I'll admit I'm wrong if you tell me<br />I'm so sick of fights, I hate them<br />let's start this again for real<br /><br />So here I am, I'm trying<br />so here I am, are you ready?<br />so here I am, I'm trying<br />so here I am, are you ready?<br /><br />Come on let me hold you, touch you, feel you, always<br />kiss you, taste you, all night, always<br />come on let me hold you, touch you, feel you, always<br />kiss you, taste you, all night, always<br /><br />I've been here before a few times<br />and I'm quite aware we're dying<br /><br />Come on let me hold you, touch you, feel you, always<br />kiss you, taste you, all night, always<br />come on let me hold you, touch you, feel you, always<br />kiss you, taste you, all night, always<br /><br />Always, always <br /><br /><br />I Miss You - (3:50)<br />Hello there, the angel from my nightmare<br />the shadow in the background of the morgue<br />the unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley<br />we can live like Jack and Sally if we want<br />where you can always find me<br />we'll have Halloween on Christmas<br />and in the night we'll wish this never ends<br />we'll wish this never ends<br /><br />(I miss you, miss you)<br />(I miss you, miss you)<br /><br />Where are you and I'm so sorry<br />I cannot sleep, I cannot dream tonight<br />I need somebody and always<br />this sick strange darkness<br />comes creeping on so haunting every time<br />and as I stared I counted<br />webs from all the spiders<br />catching things and eating their insides<br />like indecision to call you<br />and hear your voice of treason<br />will you come home and stop this pain tonight<br />stop this pain tonight<br /><br />Don't waste your time on me you're already<br />the voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you)<br />don't waste your time on me you're already<br />the voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you)<br /><br />Don't waste your time on me you're already<br />the voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you)<br />don't waste your time on me you're already<br />the voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you)<br /><br />Don't waste your time on me you're already<br />the voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you)<br />don't waste your time on me you're already<br />the voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you)<br /><br />(I miss you, miss you)<br />(I miss you, miss you)<br />(I miss you, miss you)<br />(I miss you, miss you) <br /><br /><br />I'm Lost Without You - (6:22)<br />I swear that I can go on forever again<br />please let me know that my one bad day will end<br />I will go down as your lover, your friend<br />give me your lips and with one kiss we begin<br /><br />Are you afraid of being alone<br />cause I am, I'm lost without you<br />are you afraid of leaving tonight<br />cause I am, I'm lost without you<br /><br />I'll leave my room open till sunrise for you<br />I'll keep my eyes patiently focused on you<br />where are you now I can hear footsteps, I'm dreaming<br />and if you will, keep me from waking to believe this<br /><br />Are you afraid of being alone<br />cause I am, I'm lost without you<br />are you afraid of leaving tonight<br />cause I am, I'm lost without you<br /><br />Are you afraid of being alone<br />cause I am, I'm lost without you<br />are you afraid of leaving tonight<br />cause I am, I'm lost without you<br />are you afraid of being alone<br />cause I am, I'm lost without you<br />are you afraid of leaving tonight<br />cause I am, I'm lost without you<br /><br />I'm lost without you<br />I'm lost without you<br />I'm lost without you<br />I'm lost without you<br />I'm lost without you <br /><br /><br />Here's Your Letter - (2:58)<br />Cut the skin to the bone<br />fall asleep all alone<br />hear your voice in the dark<br />lose myself in your eyes<br />choke my voice say goodnight<br />as the world falls apart<br /><br />Fuck I can't let this kill me, let go<br />I need some more time to fix this<br /><br />Here's a letter for you<br />but the words get confused<br />and the conversation dies<br />apologize for the past<br />talk some shit take it back<br />are we cursed to this life<br /><br />Fuck I can't let this kill me, let go<br />I need some more time to fix this problem<br />I need some more time to fix this problem<br />I need some more time to fix this<br /><br />I'm talking to the ceiling<br />my life just lost all meaning<br />do one thing for me tonight<br />I'm dying in this silence<br /><br />The last star left in heaven<br />is falling down to earth and<br />do you still feel the same way<br />do you still feel the same way<br /><br />Fuck I can't let this kill me, let go<br />I need some more time to fix this problem<br />I need some more time to fix this problem<br />I need some more time to fix this urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:oneyear_gone:59742 2009-06-23T05:56:12Z 2009-06-23T05:56:12Z I'm having trouble sleeping, but once I do I don't see the point in waking up when I feel this empty inside. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:oneyear_gone:59588 2009-06-21T05:16:18Z 2009-06-21T05:16:18Z I wanna talk to him. I have no idea if he'd respond if I tried. I'm a little afraid to try because of that. =| Usually, he initiates conversation with me. But this is the first time I've broken up with him, sooo I have no idea how to handle this. At all. And it sucks. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:oneyear_gone:59151 2009-06-17T05:42:25Z 2009-06-17T05:42:25Z So I wasn't gonna write in here until I could say something good about my life or if I was feeling better, but neither has happened yet and today has been particularly bad so fuck it.<br /><br />I miss him. For real. I have to force myself to get out of bed everyday because what's the point when I really feel like I have nothing to wake up for? Yes, I have school. I have family. I have friends (and when I use that in the plural sense, I mean the 3 or 4 I have that live nowhere near me). But what future do I have to look forward to? One where I'll be waking up alone forever? Yeah, well excuse me if I don't find that all too appealing. <br /><br />I'm not okay. I can pretend I am when I'm distracting myself with school projects and the games I've been playing recently. But if I were being honest, no, I'm so far from okay it's ridiculous. I cry every night. Doesn't matter what happened that day, I still cry. I don't sleep much, and when I do I sleep poorly. <br /><br />Yeah, it was my fault. I'm the one who left. I didn't want to. I was stupid. I didn't think, I didn't talk to him, and now I'm miserable because I made a bad fucking decision. I hate myself for it. And everyone can judge all they want but no one realizes that I was the happiest I'd ever been when I was with him. When I'd actually open up to him, before I got all closed off. Why did I close myself off like that? Hell if I know. I wish I knew. Maybe then it'd be easier to fix it, or I'd have something else to say to him other than "I'm sorry" if he ever talks to me again. But I don't. And I'm living with the idea that he may never want me back. <br /><br />You have any idea how much that thought fucking hurts? To know that this time I'm the one who fucked up and left, and now I have no idea if I'll get to be with him again. <br /><br />That stupid saying "you don't need a man to be happy", while it does hold truth to an extent, I still think it's a load of shit. Maybe I don't need just ANY man to be happy, but I need Meeks to be happy. I feel empty without him. It's all I've felt for weeks and weeks and weeks and I swear to god if this empty feeling doesn't go away soon....<br /><br />I thought I was doing the right thing. Totally wasn't. At all. <br /><br />Awesome. Crying again. Probably won't sleep tonight, either. FML =[ urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:oneyear_gone:58966 2009-06-16T18:20:48Z 2009-06-16T18:20:48Z Neo Steam - awesome<br />New bra - awesome (and about time)<br />Cherry Pepsi & Cream Soda - awesome<br />Not sleeping - not awesome<br />Conflicting dreams - not awesome<br />Too much homework - not awesome<br /><br /><br />That's about where I stand. I miss him. I miss Virginia. I still think I'm an idiot. I'm posting pictures later because my sister wants to take silly ones with me. <br /><br />Peace out. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:oneyear_gone:58768 2009-06-14T21:39:43Z 2009-06-14T21:39:43Z I've been without my computer since Thursday. Decided I'd try to fix Vista alone. Shoulda been easy enough, but my computer got mad at me. Luckily, mom's best friends' new fiance is an IT guy. So it's all better now :D<br /><br /><br />I missed my computer. Sucks I spent a whole weekend without it, but she's back now, so it's okay. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:oneyear_gone:58490 2009-06-11T20:22:11Z 2009-06-11T20:22:11Z Updated movies to see list:<br /><br />Year One<br />Land of the Lost<br />Partly Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs<br />Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen<br />The Hangover<br />The Proposal<br />My Sister's Keeper<br />Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (shut up - I've seen the rest so now I have to see this one)<br /><br /><br />I'm glad some decent films are coming out this summer. Last summer's list sorta sucked. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:oneyear_gone:58295 2009-06-10T18:13:02Z 2009-06-10T18:13:02Z I dislike waiting for downloads that end up not working.<br /><br />I do like weekends that start on Wednesday night. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:oneyear_gone:57929 2009-06-08T17:56:55Z 2009-06-08T17:56:55Z Kill, eat, sleep. Plus some new stuff I got to check out today. Which I'm thinking will still hold the same pattern.<br /><br />That's life. And I've apparently forgotten how to sleep. Plenty of nights spent staring at the ceiling in the dark til 4am. <br /><br />Oh yeah. Classes are good, I guess. They still suck, but I'm still passing. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:oneyear_gone:57777 2009-06-06T03:49:48Z 2009-06-06T03:49:48Z Up was fantastic! Totally worth the 11 dollars they charged for admission + 3D glasses and the extra hour wait because they didn't display the right show times.<br /><br />Next on the list (in no particular orer):<br /><br />Year One<br />(maybe) Land of the Lost<br />Partly Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:oneyear_gone:57424 2009-06-05T02:19:58Z 2009-06-05T02:19:58Z I actually had to help someone in my computer class send an email. <br /><br />Seriously. How do you not know how to send an email? <br /><br />I was then asked to help someone set up a myspace account. Really. You follow directions. <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />The world is full of stupid people. I just thought it was amusing.<br /><br />I'm out.