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August 1st, 2009
10:22 am
Making a new journal.
It's time to start over. Get rid of the drama in here.
I'll still check this one for the indie_exchange group when I need music, but aside from that consider this dead.
Really want the new one? Ask for it.
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July 15th, 2009
10:42 am - Friends only fuckers
From this point on, shit's friends only.
Comment to be added.
[There. Got rid of your excuse to yell at me. You're welcome]
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July 14th, 2009
11:38 pm
Pffft. Blow me, July 14th.
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July 13th, 2009
03:01 pm
I have a job. I start tomorrow. Hooray paychecks!
Found out some news that upsets me a little. I don't know if it will really happen, and there's nothing I can do about it. I want him to be happy, though, and if that will make him happy then good luck. Means bad news for me, but oh well I guess.
Vermont this weekend. Fuck I'm tired.
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July 11th, 2009
02:07 am - I wouldn't call it an obsession
Because I don't spend every second of my day on it. I actually go a day or so here or there without even logging in. It's just something I enjoy, a lot. A good way to compartmentalize. A distraction that happens to be uber fun :D
^ being what I think in response to my friend saying that spending 7 straight hours in-game is obsession lmao. I don't care if it is, really. I have nothing better going on.
Found out what's up with my breaks. They're just cheap and shitty. It'll be $160 for new, good ones. So hopefully I can get this job on Monday [I got the interview!] and I can get that taken care of soon.
Vermont next weekend ftw.
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July 10th, 2009
01:05 am
3rd night in a row that I can't sleep.
I officially have the entire Coheed and Cambria discography [with a burned copy of each album] because I forgot how much I love them and need more CDs to take with me for the 16 hour drive to Vermont next weekend.
I'm tired, but I think it's just exhaustion, and not actual sleepiness.
I wish someone else was awake on the forums so I'd have something to do.
Only quests I have for Neo right now I need assistance with, so that's out for the night.
Current Music: Coheed and Cambria - The Ring in Return | Powered by Last.fm
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July 7th, 2009
08:14 pm
Vermont in 2 weeks! I'm pretty excited. I need the vacation. Not because I'm particularly busy, because I'm not. But I need it because I'm on mental/emotional overload and the time away will do me some good.
IMed Meeks yesterday. The way I see it is, if we're not going to talk anymore I don't want the last thing I said to him to be something harsh and during a fight. So I told him what I've felt I need to tell him for months. That I hate things got bad between us and I know I'm partly to blame. That I'm always going to love him, and I'm always going to want things to work between us, but more than that, I want him to be happy, regardless of what that means for me. He never responded, and I never expected him to. I'm not even sure he actually read it. But at least I can continue on knowing that at least I tried.
Hit level 30 on Neo Steam last night :D Now I get to drop 10% exp every time I die while I try to level futher hah. Oh well. Still excited.
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July 4th, 2009
07:21 pm
I miss when this was my family: http://www.last.fm/forum/5/_/70688/11
I also have a headache from reading 85 pages of that thread in the past 2 hours (minus the break I took to watch a movie).
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02:16 am
I'm so all over the place as far as sleep goes.
Though I'm kinda glad I ended up being online real late. Got to talk to an old friend for the first time in quite a while. I like catching up :D
Never went to wet n wild. But I hopefully will be going to Kings Dominion in Virginia next weekend.
Maybe tomorrow I can finish that stupid quest I kept dying on today. Getting slain in Dust Glen is just unacceptable. >.
Current Music: Yndi Halda - We Flood Empty Lakes | Powered by Last.fm
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July 2nd, 2009
12:32 am
Transformers was pretty much as ridiculous and amazing as I thought it would be. I almost didn't go tonight, but I'm glad I did. Granted, I went alone, but even so. They're coming out with a G.I. Joe movie in August that looks pretty awesome. Another one to add to my list to see this summer.
Might have a job soon. Campus is offering work study jobs. I replied back saying I'm interested. I'm not sure how work study goes, but if they actually pay me and it doesn't go towards tuition I'm totally doing it. Just waiting to hear back if I qualify, whatever that means.
I was gonna go to Virginia this weekend, buuuut that fell apart when I fell apart. I'm not ready to see him again yet, I don't think. Well, obviously I'm not. I started crying when I thought about having to see him. I want to see him, but it's too hard right now. Especially since he doesn't want to see me. So instead I'm going to Wet n Wild on Friday in Greensboro. Of course I had to start tonight, so the chances of me being able to do anything there are looking slim. We'll see I guess.
I'm officially on my 2 week break from school. And it's much needed. Srsly.
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June 30th, 2009
08:57 pm
I feel like a big, stinking pile of shiiiiit.
But I'm going to Wet-n-Wild this weekend, because apparently there's one in Greensboro. So that's pretty cool.
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June 28th, 2009
09:39 pm - Remember kids - when suspecting a concussion, go to the hospital - they kill
Anyone else find it odd that 4 celebrities died in the same week? Peace out Ed, Farrah, M.J. and Billy.
Seems to be June was a bad month for deaths. My thoughts go out to everyone else who lost someone.
This weekend was good. Best I've had in months. Hopefully this will be a continuing trend. I enjoyed smiling and having fun for a change.
Hopefully next week I can get my hamster!! I've already picked out the cage and accessories I want to get for him :D Then once I get done with school and move back to Virginia, I can finally get my puppy!
Furry friends make the best friends.
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12:07 am
Guess I got my answer. Wasn't what I wanted, but that's life. =| I'll be giving up now. I'd say moving on, but, well, that's debatable.
Saw Kilee monster for a couple hours today. I miss her a lot. I put up a couple pictures on facebook today. I'll post some more tomorrow, and I might post a couple here on lj.
Seth and Anna are still here. They already went to bed. We saw The Hangover tonight. It was hilarious, but not something I'd see more than once.
Oh, and I'm getting a hamster soon.
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June 25th, 2009
11:05 pm - This one isn't depressing
I get to see Kilee monster on Saturdaaaay! I'm so excited. Seth and Anna are coming down Saturday. Kilee is going to her Mimi's house (she's coming to get her) and since I'm on the way to Virginia they're just gonna come here Saturday and Mimi will pick her up from my house.
Classes end on Wednesday. I have a 111% in Intro to Computers, and an 104% in Career Development.
& I think I'm gonna go see Transformers 2 this weekend.
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June 24th, 2009
09:39 pm
I'm posting because it's not often that anyone can honestly say Blink 182 made them cry. But I can officially say so now. I threw in the 2003 album on my way to class today and I'm pretty sure I almost felt my heart get ripped out of my chest. I think like every song minus three of them would have made me completely break down had I not needed to be in class soon after.
I don't do this on purpose. I keep choosing albums I haven't listened to in years thinking it will keep me from crying. Well, the past two weeks all I seem to do is pick really shitty choices that do nothing but make me feel like hell. I wasn't really all that upset when I put it in, either. And still, the result was tearing up.
( Here's the ones that really got me )
Current Music: Blink 182 (the 2003 album)
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June 23rd, 2009
01:55 am
I'm having trouble sleeping, but once I do I don't see the point in waking up when I feel this empty inside.
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June 21st, 2009
01:14 am
I wanna talk to him. I have no idea if he'd respond if I tried. I'm a little afraid to try because of that. =| Usually, he initiates conversation with me. But this is the first time I've broken up with him, sooo I have no idea how to handle this. At all. And it sucks.
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June 17th, 2009
01:31 am - I'm in spill your guts mode tonight
So I wasn't gonna write in here until I could say something good about my life or if I was feeling better, but neither has happened yet and today has been particularly bad so fuck it.
I miss him. For real. I have to force myself to get out of bed everyday because what's the point when I really feel like I have nothing to wake up for? Yes, I have school. I have family. I have friends (and when I use that in the plural sense, I mean the 3 or 4 I have that live nowhere near me). But what future do I have to look forward to? One where I'll be waking up alone forever? Yeah, well excuse me if I don't find that all too appealing.
I'm not okay. I can pretend I am when I'm distracting myself with school projects and the games I've been playing recently. But if I were being honest, no, I'm so far from okay it's ridiculous. I cry every night. Doesn't matter what happened that day, I still cry. I don't sleep much, and when I do I sleep poorly.
Yeah, it was my fault. I'm the one who left. I didn't want to. I was stupid. I didn't think, I didn't talk to him, and now I'm miserable because I made a bad fucking decision. I hate myself for it. And everyone can judge all they want but no one realizes that I was the happiest I'd ever been when I was with him. When I'd actually open up to him, before I got all closed off. Why did I close myself off like that? Hell if I know. I wish I knew. Maybe then it'd be easier to fix it, or I'd have something else to say to him other than "I'm sorry" if he ever talks to me again. But I don't. And I'm living with the idea that he may never want me back.
You have any idea how much that thought fucking hurts? To know that this time I'm the one who fucked up and left, and now I have no idea if I'll get to be with him again.
That stupid saying "you don't need a man to be happy", while it does hold truth to an extent, I still think it's a load of shit. Maybe I don't need just ANY man to be happy, but I need Meeks to be happy. I feel empty without him. It's all I've felt for weeks and weeks and weeks and I swear to god if this empty feeling doesn't go away soon....
I thought I was doing the right thing. Totally wasn't. At all.
Awesome. Crying again. Probably won't sleep tonight, either. FML =[
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June 16th, 2009
02:18 pm
Neo Steam - awesome
New bra - awesome (and about time)
Cherry Pepsi & Cream Soda - awesome
Not sleeping - not awesome
Conflicting dreams - not awesome
Too much homework - not awesome
That's about where I stand. I miss him. I miss Virginia. I still think I'm an idiot. I'm posting pictures later because my sister wants to take silly ones with me.
Peace out.
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June 14th, 2009
05:37 pm
I've been without my computer since Thursday. Decided I'd try to fix Vista alone. Shoulda been easy enough, but my computer got mad at me. Luckily, mom's best friends' new fiance is an IT guy. So it's all better now :D
I missed my computer. Sucks I spent a whole weekend without it, but she's back now, so it's okay.
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